Lady, You've Got To Be Kidding Me

Ma'am, keep it up and I'm going to come over this bus seat and throttle you. You just keep it up with your bad dye job, your ugly fur coat. Wait. Fur coat? You're riding the goddman bus into Rutherford, New Jersey in a fur coat? Honey, who the hell are you trying to impress? A fur coat? Are you fucking serious? You cannot be serious. You are. You are absolutely serious. Are those Merrill Jungle Mocs that you're wearing with that jacket. Holy shit. They are. You just can't buy class today. You can't. I thought you could. You can't.

But seriously, cut it out. You're on the bus. WILL YOU QUIT PLAYING WITH YOUR DAMN CELLPHONE RINGTONES HERE ON THE BUS! I truly, do not give a rat's ass to hear you take 15 minutes to decide between the T-Mobile default ringtone and My Humps. Honestly. Give this thing a fucking rest until you are in the privacy of your own home.

Hey you. Yeah, you. Yeah, you, douchebag. You, the guy who just walked into the empty subway car and stood right in the fucking doorway. Can't be bothered to step in like a civilized human being? Maybe step to the center of the train so that the car and easily fill from the center of the car to the doors? Maybe thinking about taking your fellow man and subway rider into consideration? Huh? Maybe just thinking a little more logically that "Hey, maybe if I move into the center of the train and let everyone else in behind me, we could fill the train up pretty quickly then we can all keep this train fucking moving.

But, Christ! The train stops, the doors open, you step one friggin step in, and then immediately stop right in the doorway, not letting anyone else into the train car. You selfish prick. Move into the train. MOVE INTO THE TRAIN! Douchebag.